“In Good Faith” is the Daily Prompt asking us to “Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.” Here is an excerpt from my book, “Gleaning The Nuggets”, describing how I got real with God for the first time and finally found Him:
Who could help her get out of this nightmare? She considered talking to a Catholic priest. She had no religion of her own but she suspected she might need an exorcism. Did the Catholics still believe in all that? Surely not, surely a priest would think she was a lunatic and send her home with a couple of Hail Mary’s.
She considered talking to her father. But no, he would think this was just another crazy thing she had gotten herself into. He wouldn’t believe it was real; he would think it was a drug induced hallucination. She had been outlandish and emotionally unstable for so long, she couldn’t blame him.
In the weeks that followed, her ability to work continued to deteriorate. It was early December and her manager, a lovely woman and a wonderful mentor, told Noelle in the kindest way possible to take time at Christmas to get it together. She gently told Noelle that she had worked too hard and come too far to lose it all now. Noelle nodded her head in agreement and murmured that she was struggling with big values and ethics questions but, yes, she would take time to sort it out. She had planned a Christmas vacation; she would take some time then.
For the next few days Noelle paced the apartment in raw fear. That conversation crystallized the seriousness of her position: her job was in danger. That meant that her son’s security, his home, the life she had worked so hard to build for him was hanging precariously on the edge of a cliff. She couldn’t allow that to happen to him. Self destruction meant little to her, but she could not abide Michael’s destruction. She was desperate for answers, desperate to see beyond her confusion.
She paced from the kitchen to the bedroom, pushing her hands through her hair, watching her hands shake, almost delirious with fear. Suddenly, she didn’t know how, she was on her knees with her forehead to the floor and like a dam bursting forth, a rush of words and tears poured out of her like a tidal wave. Her confusion and fears reached a terrifying crescendo and she cried in complete and utter desperation, “God, please save me! Please save me! I can’t see what’s going on! Please give me the wisdom to see what’s going on!” She released all her pent up terror in a single moment and sobbed with such gut wrenching ferocity she thought her heart would rip out of her chest.
Collage of the High Park Fire, Colorado, 2012