Wedding Victory

Victory is the joy of finding someone wonderful to love for a lifetime!

We celebrate great victories because they do not come easily. This marriage came to me after years of disappointing dates, pressing through hopeless and lonely nights, facing fears of intimacy, overcoming the panic of losing autonomy, putting past hurts behind me, and wrestling to discover God’s will for my life. We celebrated our victory of love in a fairy tale Colorado wedding on Oct 11th, 2015!

Victory

My beloved is mine and I am his.
Song of Songs 2:16

Photograph by Karen Roberts

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On The Move

The On The Move photo challenge definitely suits our lifestyle these days! Here are Trains, Planes, Biking, and Hiking shots as we’re on the move…

More Travels…

The Drake Hotel, Chicago

West Baden Hotel, Indiana

The Stanley Hotel, Estes Park, Colorado

21st Century Imperfect Princess

As a 21st Century Imperfect Princess, I look out my tower window, gaze at the Nearly Noble Knights below, and wonder which one might have the courage to climb the cliffs and claim me for his own. I wave, smile, and encourage them to climb up!

But the key to success for a Princess, however imperfect, is this: don’t hitch up your gown, climb out your window, and shimmy down the cliff to kiss a Knight who can’t climb up and get you.

How simple it would be if the cliffs were made of rock and mortar and a Knight’s brute strength could overcome the obstacles between us! Many 21st Century Knights lift weights, run marathons, bike mountain passes, and spend hours of time developing bodies of steel (not that I am bashing that, of course!)  But oh, how this Princess longs for one who cultivates the strength to climb the internal cliffs, which are sometimes much more daunting: Honesty (just tell me how it is), Integrity (be who you say you are), Faithfulness (don’t cheat), and a Clean Heart (free and unburdened).

Jackie Kendall wrote a book called “A Man Worth Waiting For” which is a great read for any single Princess. She got her inspiration after touring the country and talking to hundreds of married women who, in despair at still being single, had flung themselves out of their towers only to be bloodied and broken on the rocks below after their woebegone Knights dropped them flat on their heads.

I don’t expect my Nearly Noble Knight to be perfect. As Jackie says, I’m looking for “a flawed but faithful man”…for a flawed but faithful woman. I am well aware of my failings, foibles, and far-from-perfect character…I’m working on those things, with God’s help. As I date, I stand protected in my Father’s strong tower and look for the brave soul who is doing his hard, heart work, too. And when he climbs those cliffs to kiss me, he will have my utmost respect and admiration. Till then, no cliff diving!

Building Beautiful Boundaries

A Boundary is a many splendored thing. The need for boundaries really sank into my brain last year when, in a time of terrible desperation, a friend handed me a book called “Boundaries: When to say YES, when to say NO“, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

At that point, all I knew was that I had allowed someone into my life who lacked integrity and character, I had put up with things I shouldn’t have, and it had all ended in a big mess.

This book was the light in the darkness, the holy grail, the shining nugget of truth and wisdom I had been searching for, for a long time. Quite frankly, it can be confusing trying to be a nice person. I mean, aren’t we supposed to turn the other cheek? Aren’t we supposed to forgive? Aren’t we supposed to give without concern about getting anything back?

I’ve learned that people can have bad boundaries with their kids, their parents, their boss, their spouse…anybody we are in relationship with. And you might have good boundaries with your boss, but poor boundaries with your mother.

The book leaf asks: “Are you in control of your life? Do people take advantage of you? Do you have trouble saying no?  Do you find yourself wondering: Can I set limits and still be a loving person? How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? Why do I feel guilty when I consider setting boundaries?”

If those questions strike a chord in you, this book will set you free. I am not kidding or overstating. It has changed my life. It’s sold millions of copies, won awards, is used by counselors in individual and group therapy. Of course, you have to actually DO the things they recommend, but you will find in it such hope and practical guidelines that you will be eager to get started.  These two amazing men (Henry Cloud and John Townsend) have written books for every situation: Boundaries in marriage, with teens, with older children, in dating, etc. Get a copy and get free 🙂

Related Posts:

Princess Bride…That’s You
Are the Heavens Locked?
Happy Are Those Who Mourn?

“The Thing” Detector

I am dating again, after many years of avoiding men. I don’t blame it on men, it was my fault. I was like the Nazi in “Indiana Jones” TM who picked the shiny, pretty chalice that looked great on the outside, but when he drank its water it destroyed him. Now my quest is to “Choose wisely” like Indiana Jones and find a man whose insides will nourish me and not burn me up into a smoldering pile of ashes.

Problem was, I couldn’t see the inside of a man. Well, more accurately, I did see the inside but I ignored those infamous red flags. I wanted it to work so I just swept those little pesky danger signals under the rug and sailed along mindlessly. Until the meltdown, of course.

But I watched the “The Thing” the other night, remember that old 80’s movie?  A prehistoric monster is unearthed that kills people, morphs into the person it just ate, then walks around the regular humans until the time is right and then POW, it explodes out and munches a new person. Really gross, here’s a clip.  But Kurt Russell is in it, in his prime (even though he had a beard, darn.)

Anyway, God gives us truth in weird ways and he spoke to me through that movie about my dating life. (He speaks to me a lot through movies; I love them, so he uses them to teach me.)  The cool thing I’m realizing is that the Holy Spirit is a “Thing” detector. I’ll go out on a date with a guy and he’ll seem perfectly normal, nice, friendly, complimentary, and I think, hey, this could work!  But at some point, something shifts within me…my “Thing” detector has switched on and is humming inside me. I am uncomfortable with my date, things don’t seem right, something is wrong. What?!  Everything was going so well!

But when I honestly look back on our conversations, I realize I have been doing some danger signal sweeping. Bad girl! I have avoided looking at the differences in our values, spiritual lives, callings, all the things I’ve said I must have in a future husband. Before I knew God, I could ignore those things and still enjoy the relationship. But not now, no way. My “Thing” Detector will not allow it because he’s protecting me from future pain. I have to stop dating the guy because he makes me so uncomfortable that I can’t stand to be around him.

Sometimes we avoid truth because if we see it, we must change. Acts 26:10-14 shows that the Apostle Paul did just that. He was running around killing Christians and hating Jesus, but when the Lord finally knocked him off his horse and blinded him to get his attention, He asked him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.” A goad is something that drives us, urges us, and pokes at us to change. Paul had been ignoring the Holy Spirit who wouldn’t leave him alone and kept telling him, “Dude, you’re screwing up. Stop it!”

From now on, when my Detector starts rumbling, I’m listening and changing. Hope you do, too 🙂

Related Posts:

21st Century Imperfect Princess
Building Beautiful Boundaries
The Waiting